Welcome to the “Man on Third” first annual (well, hopefully not annual) David Petraeus Scandal Pool. New information comes out every day as the scandal gets broader and more unbelievable. But, there are so many questions left to answer.
Here’s your chance to put your best scandal knowledge to good use. No entry fee required. Give your best guess to the questions below either in the comment section or email me directly. The person with the most correct answers will receive a 1st edition (I’m assuming there’s only one edition) copy, signed by me, of All In: The Education of David Petraeus, written by our favorite classified document hoarder and “anonymous” email sender, Paula Broadwell.
1. How many women will ultimately announce publicly that they’ve had an affair with David Petraeus?
d. Just call him Tiger Petraeus
2. Do you believe that Jill Kelley is? (more than one answer ok)
a. Running a Heidi Fleiss-like service
b. Just a military groupie seeking fame and power
c. A Tampa socialite who likes men in uniform
d. Related to Kate Gosselin, Rielle Hunter or Octomom
3. What excuse will Jill Kelley ultimately give for her actions? (more than one answer ok)
a. My husband is really the ring leader
b. My sister and I were abused as children
c. I have a substance abuse problem
d. That’s how we roll in Tampa
4. How many tell-all books will be written by the main characters?
e. More than 4
5. Which one of these couples will come out and say there were truly in love? (more than one answer ok)
a. Shirtless FBI guy and Jill Kelley
b. David Petraeus and Paula Broadwell
c. General Allen and Jill Kelley
d. David Petraeus and Jill Kelley
e. David Petraeus and General Allen
f. Some other combination of these crazy people
6. How many divorces will result from this scandal?
e. more than 3
7. The spouses of which individual will stand by their man/woman at the “come clean” press conference? (more than one answer ok)
a. David Petraeus
b. General Allen
c. Paula Broadwell
d. Jill Kelley
e. Shirtless FBI guy
8. Where did Paula Broadwell get all the classified documents?
a. David Petraeus
b. General Allen
c. Different Pentagon/CIA sources yet to be announced
d. She has clearance so no big deal
e. She stole them
9. Who is the most likely to face criminal charges?
a. Paula Broadwell
b. Shirtless FBI guy
c. Jill Kelley and her husband
d. General Allen
e. David Petraeus
10. When does Gloria Allred enter the picture?
a. By the time you finish reading this question
b. End of the week
c. End of the year
d. She will pass on this opportunity
11. What was General Allen really emailing Jill Kelley about?
a. Their affair
b. Just inappropriate flirting, nothing more
c. Recipes he saw on Pinterest
d. Tampa military parties
e. Whether it’s true that Tampa is Florida’s largest open-water estuary
12. When the inevitable porn movie comes out, it is most likely to be called?
a. Barely Legal: C.I.Asses
b. All In: The Education of General Please-Lay-Us
c. Tampa Twins Take On Central Cum-mand
13. Will shirtless FBI guy turn out to be?
a. Jill Kelley’s jilted lover or high school crush
b. Friends with Anthony Weiner
c. Just an FBI guy doing his job
d. Right wing anti-Obama guy
14. Jill Kelley will have her own reality show or be part of one called?
a. Real Housewives of Tampa
b. Keeping up with the Kelleys
c. Survivor: Centcom edition
d. Dancing with the StarsPhoto courtesy of Flickr/U.S. Department of Defense Photo courtesy of Flickr/Davidnowandthen Photo courtesy of Flickr/azipaybarah